Good grief!

It has struck me more forcibly than usual lately that one of the principle reasons that we humans are so deranged is that, as far as we know we are the only living creatures who are aware of the inevitability of our eventual deaths.

Or, as the controversial ‘antipsychiatry’ psychiatrist R. D. Laing (1927-1989) memorably expressed this dismal reality, that “life is a sexually-transmitted disease with a 100 per cent mortality rate.”

That we are, to say the least, uncomfortable with this fundamental fact of life is demonstrated by all the desperate strategies we’ve dreamed-up to try and deal with it.

All the way from outright denial, especially when we’re young enough to kid ourselves that we’re bulletproof, to imaginatively investing ourselves with allegedly “immortal” souls.

Some of us laugh in the face of fate, as in Woody Allen’s oft-quoted declaration that “I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”

While others, like the recently-deceased Robin Williams, sadly choose suicide over natural death, presumably to avoid further pain and uncertainty and also perhaps to play a kind of practical joke at both their own and the grim reaper’s expense.

But most of us simply soldier on, in hopes of postponing our dates with destiny as long as possible, and in the meantime striving to console ourselves however we can.

Many of strategies for delaying the inevitable, however, like dieting, exercising and avoiding such potentially deadly consolations as alcohol, nicotine and other similarly addictive drugs, may, as some wit whose name I forget famously said, not so much prolong life as render it so dreary as to seem longer.

But at least boring ourselves to death in hopes of extending our lives doesn’t hurt anybody else, let alone hasten the mortality of our fellow inmates on this earthly death row to which we’re all condemned.

Unlike the murderous attempts by self-styled “martyrs” to cheat death and win admittance to some kind of “heaven” by sending their “enemies” to hell.

From ancient Romans who crucified Christians in placation of pagan “Gods” through later competing Christian sects whose supporters sought “salvation” through killing-off “heretics”, to those Muslims today who slaughter people of their own and other faiths for their own self-interested ends, homicide has somehow appealed as a means of achieving eternal life.

And until mankind discovers a more efficient method of deterring these maniacs than by killing as many of them as possible before they can do their worst, as the U.S. and its allies are currently striving to do with airstrikes against ISIL, ISIS, or whatever you choose to call the deadly infection currently raging in Iraq and Syria, they will remain a mortal threat to all humanity.

As will their self-styled “moderate” supporters and apologists, like Malaysian Prime Minister Najib Abdul Razak, who, despite his pious to pretence to support national unity and harmony, recently exhorted Umno members to “emulate the bravery of ISIL if the party is to survive.”

Indeed, Najib is the very epitome and personification of the depths to which human hypocrisy can descend about death as about everything else. Considering his cold-blooded if not outright contemptuous disregard of those routinely and systematically killed by his regime’s corrupt police force and fake anti-corruption commission, his capacity for self-serving displays of compassion for the victims of such disasters as MH370 and MH17 comes across as nothing short of obscene.

As does the contrast between the grief that he and his accomplices and supporters pretend to profess at the fate of Palestinians killed by Israel, and the utter lack of interest in, let alone sympathy for, infinitely greater numbers of victims of Islamic terrorism around the world.

Admittedly not Najib himself personally, but Umno members and supporters under his patronage, and thus with his implicit approval, have even gone so far as to make an issue of Muslims’ involvement in an interfaith memorial for the passengers and crew of MH17.

BN assemblyperson for Slim, Mohd Khusari Abdul Talib, uploaded a picture showing the young Muslim member of the opposition DAP, Dyana Sofya Mohd Daud, placing flowers at the memorial, with the comment “What is this young, Malay DAP member doing? Is she trying to become DAP’s tool to deviate the faith of young Muslim women?”

And the notoriously sexist, stupid and shameless Umno MP for Kinabatangan, Bung Moktar Radin, re-Tweeted the picture with the snide caption “see what has happened to this Malay leader in DAP???”

For her part, bless her heart, Dyana countered these comments with the statement that reciting prayers and merely putting down flowers to mourn the unfortunate could not jeopardise her faith.

Adding, according to Malaysiakini, that “those who think it does should reconsider the strength of their own faith,” and further stating that “I am not easily confused like how Umno leaders always assume we Malay youths are.”

“Events like this make Malaysians understand one another better and bring us together,” she concluded, thus neatly putting her finger on what frightens Umno/BN to death.

The very thought of Malaysians uniting in their common humanity instead of dividing along racial and religious lines in the way the regime tirelessly promotes behind the blind of its lying “1Malaysia” slogan is terminally terrifying to Najib and the gang.

Having presided for decades over the deaths of everything the Malaysian people could possibly expect of a proper government, everything from honesty, transparency, truth and justice to free and fair elections, they will do anything to prevent the people from uniting in grief for all they have lost.

But they can’t hold back reality forever. Political regimes, like people, are incapable of eternal life. So nothing is more certain than the fact that Umno/BN will finally die. And that, far from grieving at its demise, future generations of Malaysians will dance on its grave.

 

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Barisan naked.

The day I first saw the headline about alleged nude frolics in Teluk Kampi, part of the Taman Negara Forest Reserve in Teluk Bahang, Perak last week, I have to say that my first reaction was envy that Malaysian is blessed with a climate is so conducive to such fun activities year-round.

Because in Sydney right now it’s mid-winter, and thus what’s known in the vernacular as “brass monkey” weather, so those of us given to skinny-dipping, skinny-sunning and skinny-people-watching at any of the local locations down here where these activities are perfectly legal have months to wait before stripping off.

So the Teluk Kampi event could well have proven quite a lure to those of us living in less tropical climes, and a sorely-needed boost to what has thus far, let’s face it, proven a far-from-fantastic Visit Malaysia Year 2014.

But any such illusion of Malaysia as a desirable nudist destination was of course immediately shattered by the all-too-predictable shock, horror response from Malaysia’s self-appointed guardians of propriety and morality.

In fact it drew such a storm of outraged sanctimony down on both the nude frolickers themselves and the Lim Guan Eng-led opposition government of Penang state that I quickly came to suspect that the entire event was a fake staged by agents of the ruling BN regime.

Because it simply didn’t, and increasingly doesn’t, ring true. Starting with claims that activities in what were billed online as the “Penang Nudist Sports Games 2014” included such bizarre events as body-painting, Gangnam-style horse dancing and crab-walking.

However many weird and wonderful sights I’ve seen in all my years of hanging around beaches, nude and otherwise, I’ve never witnessed anything remotely resembling any of these activities, and I don’t believe anyone else has either.

They are clearly the products of a fevered but not especially fertile imagination. As was the subsequent story concocted by the BN regime-friendly ‘newspaper’, Sinar Harian, which claimed that its reporters who had visited the site of the alleged nude frolics were “sure” that some of these activities “may have been carried out in front of a surau.”

This story was clearly yet another BN fabrication, like the fake Anwar Ibrahim “sex tape” and the false “discovery” of porcine DNA in Cadbury chocolates and other such scams designed to outrage Muslim sensibilities and portray the God-forsaken and outright criminal BN regime as the defender of Islam.

It was highly suspicious that, as Penang Chief Minister Lim Guan Eng stated, Taman Negara, the national park in which the alleged outbreak of nudism occurred, is under the jurisdiction of not his state government but the federal Ministry of Natural Resources and Environment, and that a Taman Negara ranger was not only aware of the group’s activities, but actually helped light its campfire.

But BN had an alibi for the apparent collusion of its feral federal park ranger with the nudist group and its hi-jinx. Umno Teluk Bahang assemblyman Shah Headan Ayoob Hussain Shah admitted that the ranger had been present, but attempted to explain this person’s failure to report the matter to his possibly having been “threatened into silence by the participants.”

“It is possible that he was threatened as he was the only one on duty at the time. I can’t reveal who he is, as he is scared now,” Shah Headan claimed, adding that “if indeed this has happened, then the group has committed two wrongs – being nude in public and threatening an officer on duty.”

Meanwhile, Penang Umno Chief Zainal Abidin Osman made a bumbling attempt to pin the blame on the opposition by posing the rhetorical question whether the nudists “were emboldened by the fact that Penang is under the control of a DAP-led state government and therefore felt free and unafraid to participate in the ‘nude sports’ event, which he described as “an insult of the highest order” that has “tarnished the name of Penang and Malaysia.”

Which inevitably evokes the further question of how the name of Malaysia could possibly be further tarnished by these clearly faked or at least staged nude frolics than it has been for decades by the BN regime’s endless displays of naked greed, corruption, criminality, injustice and incompetence.

And despite desperate attempts to cloak all this nakedness with a draconian Official Secrets Act, displays of official hypocritical sanctimony and systematic barefaced falsehood by everyone from the prime minister on down to the professional liars of the so-called “mainstream” media and paid pro-regime bloggers, BN is increasingly being stripped bare for all the world to see.

And demonstrations of naked hypocrisy like current regime-sponsored protests against the latest Israeli atrocities in Gaza, and misguided associated attacks on such alleged “supporters” of Israel like McDonald’s and HSBC, only serve to further expose the moral, ethical and intellectual nakedness of BN.

As many others have asked before me, if Barisan Nasional in general, Umno in particular and such exhibitionist organisations as Perkasa, Isma and Tun Dr Mahathir’s phony Perdana Peace Foundation are so sincere in their protests on behalf of humanity, why are they so selectively and nakedly anti-Jewmanity?

The answer being, of course, that Mahathir’s pretended love of peace is just a pretext for his lust for anti-semitism, which, given his naked narcissism, is likely borne of his resentment at the Jews’ biblical identification of themselves as the “chosen people” when in his mind he’s the chosen person.

And as for BN, Umno and their supporter and accomplices, their highly selective humanitarianism is nothing but a transparent attempt to cover-up their naked racism and sectarianism.

Hence the fact that, as Marina Mahathir, Josh Hong and no doubt others have already eloquently argued, while outrages committed by Israel and “the West” against Muslims are greeted by the Malaysian regime with naked outrage, atrocities by Muslims against both fellow religionists and those of other faiths in, as currently, Syria, Iraq, Sudan and Nigeria and elsewhere, go unnoticed.

But, thanks to such tragedies as the disappearance of MH370, the shooting-down of MH17 and a series of typical BN screw-ups like its ongoing failure to surrender a rape suspect to New Zealand and its implication in Australia’s long-running Securency scandal, Malaysia’s government is increasingly exposing itself as stark naked, and well overdue for being necked, or better yet nuked.

 

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Jesters for justice.

What with the shooting down of flight MH17, the Israeli counter-offensive against Hamas in the Gaza strip, the impending famine caused by the civil war in South Sudan, ongoing civil conflicts in Syria, Iraq and elsewhere, and the revelation that most of the schoolgirls kidnapped months ago by Boka Haram have yet to be rescued by the Nigerian government, there hasn’t been a lot to laugh about this past week or two.

In fact the world news has been so unremittingly grim and depressing, and has called so overwhelmingly on our funds of sorrow for the dead and sympathy for the bereaved, as to bring fresh dimensions of meaning to that chilling term often employed by charities for a slump in donor generosity during such times as these, ‘compassion fatigue’.

So it has been a bit of a relief to find a chuckle or two, however grim and cynical, wherever we can. And there has been plenty of them going around.

My personal favourite recently has been Malaysian Defence Minister Hishammuddin Hussein’s laughable statement as reported by BN regime mouthpiece ‘news’ agency Bernama that he was “awed” by the way in which his cousin, Malaysian Prime Minister Najib Abdul Razak, has handled the MH17 tragedy.

I was awed too, though not so much by what Hishammuddin ludicrously extolled as Najib’s “courage not to be swayed by the geopolitical landscape in that (Ukrainian) region and to only focus on the objective, which is to bring home the bodies of Malaysian passengers, take hold of the black boxes and bring those responsible to justice,” but by the hilarious hypocrisy of Najib’s sudden interest in justice.

On an international level, Najib and his BN accomplices have long shown themselves to be so resolutely opposed to justice in principle and practice that, like the USA, China, Russia, India and Israel and other similarly arrogant and errant nations, Malaysia is still refusing to accept the authority of the international Criminal Court.

And domestically the state of Malaysian ‘justice’ is if possible even more dire, as evidenced by countless cases, notably the murder of Mongolian translator Altantuya Shaaribuu, the deeply suspicious deaths of Teoh Beng Hock and others in in the custody of the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission, and the endless trials of Anwar Ibrahim on trumped-up sodomy charges.

And of course in calling for “justice” for those guilty of the MH17 tragedy, Najib is also conveniently ‘forgetting’ that he has demonstrated no interest whatever in justice for culpable parties in the mysterious ‘disappearance’ of MH370, or for those responsible for the deaths of the equivalent of several planeloads of ‘suspects’ at the hands of the Malaysian police, or, for that matter, for the literally countless members and cronies of the BN regime responsible for crimes ranging from the systematic, massive looting of the nation’s natural resources and public funds to the suppression and falsification of the news and the stealing of elections.

In short, in calling for justice for Malaysia, or as the official regime-issued t-shirt for BN supporters expresses this allegedly “awesome” sentiment, “Justice 4M17”, for many if not the majority of us Najib is clownishly highlighting the fact that he has never had, or ever will have, any interest whatever in equitable justice for all Malaysians, but is simply hell-bent on saving his own political skin.

And even more amusing, if sick humour happens to be your thing, is that there seems to be scant promise of any improvement on the BN regime’s record in this regard if and when Pakatan Rakyat ever comes to power, considering the horribly hilarious contribution by opposition party PAS to the MH17 justice discussion.

Kedah PAS youth information chief Ahmad Tarmizi Sulaiman called for MAS and the government to look into the possibility that the MH370 and MH17 tragedies may have been to the wreaking of “Allah’s wrath in the bellies of the planes” as a result of the airline’s serving of alcohol to passengers and dressing its flight attendants in a manner that he claims to be a contrary to Islamic rules.

“Flying in a MAS plane does not give passengers the feeling of an airline operated by a country which organizes the annual Quran recital competition,” this clown continued, “and in fact, even winning the competition.”

He later falsely claimed that his statement had been quoted out of context and thus misrepresented, but in a subsequent emergency sitting of Parliament on the MH17 tragedy, another PAS jester, Rantau Panjang MP Siti Zailah Mohd Yusoff, made similar remarks about observing Muslim strictures against alcohol and improper dressing of female flight attendants, adding that “we may have advanced technologies, but this matter should not be viewed lightly. We cannot stop Allah’s might.”

Meanwhile, a great many other assorted jokers around the world were blaming the MH17 shoot-down not on Allah, but an earthly power who seems to consider himself as somewhat akin to God almighty, Russia’s Vladimir Putin, and threatening him and his criminal Kremlin regime with economic and travel sanctions.

But in this the laugh was as much on many of Putin’s accusers as the chief suspect himself, as many European countries including the UK and France are suppliers of weapons to Russia, or dependent on this pariah state for their energy supplies.

And the current government of my own country, Australia, which proposed a UN resolution condemning Russia for its alleged role in the MH17 atrocity, has a far-from-glorious record in its dealings with asylum-seekers, having recently sent some of these desperate people back to their abusers in Sri Lanka, and threatened others with re-settlement in such hell-holes as Kampuchea and Papua-New Guinea.

But the greatest jester of all in the international justice department is surely the US, whose record of double-dealing and hypocrisy and selective, self-interested and frequently inept and ultimately catastrophic alliances and aggressions are an increasingly notorious joke.

In short, as richly as the victims of the MH17 atrocity and their surviving loved-ones deserve justice to be done, I don’t like the chances of its being done fully, honestly and transparently by Russia or by its assorted allies and antagonists.

Any more than I expect to see justice for those lost and left behind by the disappearance of MH370, which the bad jokes who pretend to run Malaysia failed to scramble their Putin-provided Russian fighters to intercept and track, and have made a jest of justice for Malaysian citizens in every other conceivable respect.

 

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What a bleeding disgrace.

Sometimes I wonder which is more of a disgrace to Malaysia – the god-forsaken BN regime or those millions of Malaysians who continue to tolerate and even support this gang of crooks and incompetents.

That Najib Abdul Razak is still prime minister of the country, and some people are still taking him and his alleged ‘government’ seriously, is absolutely pathetic.

Yet I see that even many of his detractors have deluded themselves that his cynical PR stunt of coming “down to the streets” to visit the homeless in KL is some sign that he has redeeming features.

When the reality of the matter is that it was clearly Najib and his cabinet who decided to celebrate Ramadan by deputising Federal Territories Minister Tengku Adnan Tengku Mansor and Women, Family and Community Development Minister Rohani Abdul Karim to rid the city centre of the homeless and the soup kitchens that have been serving them.

So Najib’s walking-tour of the poor was his or his advisors’ way of shedding personal responsibility for this callous act, and pretending to show some of the “leadership” he’d been flapping his lips about just the day before.

Seizing on Brazil’s shocking 7-1 defeat by Germany in the World Cup semi-final, and conveniently ignoring the embarrassing facts that Malaysia not only failed to get a place in the World Cup at all but also ranks a woeful 142nd on the Fifa world table, he had the effrontery to use Brazil’s loss to try and praise his own leadership.

“If that can happen to a football team,” he crowed, “imagine what can happen to a country without leadership, vision and a commitment to the rakyat’s fate.”

But his referring to the rakyat’s “fate” rather than its future rather gave the game away in typical Najib Freudian-slip-style, thus reminding many if not most of us that, far from being famous for his fabulous leadership, Najib is notorious for his fatal bleedership.

He and the other members of his BN regime have blood on their hands as accessories to, if not actual suspects in, countless killings ranging from those of Altantuya Shaariibuu, the Mongolian interpreter in the scandalous acquisition of Scorpene submarines and Teoh Beng Hock, whose death at the hands of the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission (MACC) was deemed “neither murder nor suicide”, to hundreds of “suspects” in police custody and “shoot-outs”.

Then there is the blood of the police personnel killed in BN’s bungled response to the Lahud Datu so-called “incursion”, and the 239 passengers and crew “lost” three months or so ago through the Malaysian defence forces’ dereliction of their duty.

And even more bloodshed is regularly threatened. As opposition elder-statesman Lim Kit Siang said in response to Najib’s ludicrous “leadership” speech, “in the past year there has been an incessant stoking and incitement of racial and religious hatred, tension and conflict in the country,” with Deputy Prime Minister Muhyiddin Yassin reported by rabble-rousing regime rag Utusan Malaysia to be the latest to threaten a repeat of the Umno-incited May 13, 1969 massacre of non-Malays.

While Najib does his damndest to try and distance himself from the race-hate that he and his regime so tirelessly foment, he has himself in the past notoriously threatened to “bathe (this) keris in Chinese blood”, advocated BN’s violent defence of its hold on power, if necessary, with the statement that “even if our bodies are crushed and our lives lost, brothers and sisters, whatever happens, we must defend Putrajaya” and just recently called for BN to “emulate the bravery” of the Middle-Eastern, al-Qaeda-related terrorist group ISIL if the party is to survive.

As shocking as Najib’s bleedership has been and continues to be in the literal, deadly sense, however, it is proving similarly fatal to Malaysia metaphorically.

Moneywise, for a start, despite long ago claiming to advocate “zero tolerance of corruption”, Najib has sustained the Mahathir-instigated system of BN’s bleeding of Malaysia and Malaysians of countless billions in stolen oil, timber, land and other nationally-owned natural resources, and massive sums of public money in kickbacks, “commissions” and outright theft.

Having taken the precaution, as was begun under Mahathir’s 22-year bleedership of the nation, to suck the life-blood out of the justice system, the news media, the election commission and every other institution designed to protect the people from bloodsuckers like BN and its cronies, and threaten these criminals with retribution.

Though some measure of retribution may well be on its way from governments and other aggrieved parties outside Malaysia, or even eventually the International Criminal Court, following a series of shocking examples of BN bleedership including the MH370 fiasco, the failure to extradite burglary and attempted rape suspect Muhammad Rizalman Ismail to New Zealand, plagiarism of Indonesian press stories by national ‘news’ agency Bernama and BN MP Bung Moktar Radin’s disgraceful “Long live Hitler” tweet following Germany’s World-Cup demolition of Brazil.

All this on top of the steady bleeding of Malaysia’s reputation over the years if not decades through the repeated high-profile persecutions of Anwar Ibrahim, and the nation’s steady and apparently inexorable descent on global corruption, press freedom, illicit capital outflow, people-trafficking, football match fixing, internet scamming, education and university excellence rankings.

And all the bleeding prime minister can think of doing about all this is to persist in his bid for the title of World’s Leading Liar. In fact, far from leading the government or the nation in any meaningful manner at all, he hides in silence whenever there’s trouble, only emerging to talk a load of trash about such issues as kankung economics or panda ‘protection’, or else to do a spot of leadershopping for votes or 1RM chickens.

Never giving so much as a thought, apparently, to acting like a leader and firing any of his ministers, especially his cretinous cousin and current Defence Minister, Hishammuddin Hussein, for even their most spectacular demonstrations of criminal incompetence.

Of course I’m all too aware that I’m stating the bleeding obvious here in Malaysiakini, as indeed I have been for the past eight years, and also preaching more to the converted than the perverted.

But I’m vastly encouraged by the evident fact that the miserably silent majority seems to be getting smaller by the year, month, week and even in these increasingly troubled times, the day.

And thus we’re edging ever closer to that glorious moment when enough Malaysians and the forces of righteousness around the world will finally unite in sufficient disgust with the BN regime to finally kick these bleeders out.

 

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Fixing 1Malaysia.

Forget the World Cup. It’s so much more exciting to follow the fortunes of BN’s 1Malaysia team in its bid for the world title of Worst Cock-up.

It has certainly scored some major coups in this competition lately, even in the footballing field. Under the leadership of Sports Minister Khairy Jamaluddin, Malaysia has now sunk to an unprecedented number 142 in global FIFA rankings and is fast headed further down.

While at the same time it is truly 1Malaysia in the contest for supremacy in the match-fixing area, with Free Malaysia Today quoting one of the world’s foremost experts in this arena, Canadian author and academic Declan Hill, as declaring that “if there was a gold medal for football match fixing, Malaysia would win it.”

“As I have testified before various parliaments,” he added, “we have to tell the IOC that if Malaysia doesn’t clean up this problem, they will be banned from international sports.”

I doubt that BN would be too fussed by such a ban, however, as it could then concentrate its world-beating efforts on other more serious aspects of its expertise, like election and trial fixing. Plus, of course, the race to the bottom in the global corruption, press-freedom and people-trafficking stakes, in the last of which it has recently achieved level 4 on the US State Department worst-of-the-worst list along with such other great sports as Zimbabwe, North Korea and Saudi Arabia.

And speaking of Saudi Arabia, 1Malaysia has already outdone this and most of its other competitors in the Islamic world by banning Christians from using “Allah”, the generic Arab word for “God”, in Bahasa Malaysia bibles.

Having decades ago decreed that all Malays are by definition Muslim, and thus since claiming that 1Malaysia is superior to those nations where most Arabs may be Muslims but some are permitted not to be.

But as much success and consequent fame as 1Malaysia has achieved on the sporting, fixing, people-trafficking and religious fronts, its most glorious, indeed unprecedented achievement in the world’s Worst Cock-up department so far has surely been the “loss” of MAS flight 370.

This was, and will long if not forever remembered as, a copybook example of the 1Malaysia team’s undying determination to make itself globally famous by hook or by crook, and a truly world-class display of BN’s traditional talents: secrecy, lying, denying, dissembling and incompetence.

And in case anybody on earth had missed this truly dazzling demonstration of 1Malaysia’s specialist skills, 1Malaysia Foreign Minister Anifah Aman has led the team to another triumph in a face-off with New Zealand.

Admittedly this has been a 1-0 loss in purely technical terms, but it has featured such a spectacular own goal as to go down forever in the annals of the world’s Worst Cock-up contest.

Following allegations of burglary and attempted rape against Muhammad Rizalman Ismail, an army warrant officer attached to the Malaysian High Commission in New Zealand, 1Malaysia not only denied a request by the host country for the suspension of the suspect’s diplomatic immunity, but had the unmitigated arrogance to suggest that the case be hushed up.

And actually put this in writing to the New Zealand authorities in a letter requesting them to “kindly consider sealing all documentation pertaining to the above mentioned matter and withdrawing all charges against Muhammad Rizalman Ismail.”

The New Zealand government may well not have elected to release this damning document of its own accord, but was virtually forced to do so following the 1Malaysia Foreign Minister’s flagrantly false claim that the Kiwis had “offered” to allow Muhammad Rizalman Ismail to return home despite his alleged offence.

Rizalman had been repatriated, so the 1Malaysia story went, for the purpose of undergoing “psychiatric assessment” before a possible military court-martial.

Though as everybody knows the entire saga would never have seen the light of day in 1Malaysia, and probably hasn’t even now in 1Malaysia’s so-called mainstream media, if it hadn’t been for the New Zealand media’s unearthing of it by means of their country’s Freedom of Information Act.

And in fact the revelation of this latest own goal against New Zealand is eerily reminiscent of the one scored years ago against Mongolia in the case of the murdered interpreter, Altantuya Shaariibuu.

An own goal that still haunts Prime Minister Najib Abdul Razak and the entire 1Malaysia team today, despite Najib’s having sworn on the Quran than he never met the victim, and a “trial” in which the alleged suspects were unaccountably allowed to conceal their identities, Najib and other possible accessories were never called as witnesses, and no effort was made to determine how the victim’s immigration records had come to be erased.

For years Najib himself has been promising to fix as in “transform” this shocking state of affairs, but still his 1Malaysia team keeps playing the people of Malaysia and the rest of the world for fools.

Fixing everything from elections and trials to financial, racial and religious affairs in favour of themselves and their supporters.

And fixing the facts with a line-up of such world-class liars like, to instance only this week, Foreign Minister Anifah Aman with his porkies about New Zealand, Inspector-General of Police Khalid Abu Bakar with his ridiculous claim that his corrupt, homicidal and otherwise “errant” cops are “not protected”; Women, Family and Community Developmet Minister Rohani Abdul Karim with her story that the government is not “arresting” beggars and the homeless in KL but “saving” them by taking them in for “counselling”; and former Information Minister, Zainuddin Maidin with his bizarre attack on BN harlot ‘newspaper’ The Star for “playing into the hands of the DAP” as well as an “extreme and dangerous Christian denomination.”

No wonder 1Malaysia is a contender contention for the title for the World Cup of Cock-ups. And good, honest, intelligent Malaysians’ chances of getting out of this fix are nix until they can get up the guts to get rid of this bunch of criminal prix.

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Week of the k, ok?

Forgive me if you kan, but this week, just by way of a komplete change from my kustomary kolumn, I thought I would follow Prime Minister Najib – oops, Knajib Abdul Razak’s lead and go overboard with the letter k the point of overkill.

As Knajib himself so memorably did in his address at the Cheras Umno division’s 20th anniversary celebrations, in proposing a ‘6K’ formula to ensure that Umno remains what he kalled “strong and relevant”: Ketaatan (Obedience), Kesetiaan (Loyalty), Keberanian (Bravery), Kesetiakawan (Unity), Kebijaksanaan (Excellence) and Keikhlasan (Sincerity).

This was such a load of kock that I couldn’t resist rushing to my trusty Pelanduk Pocket Malay Dictionary for some Bahasa k words that would somewhat more truthfully deskribe the formula that Umno aktually employs to keep itself in a position of illicit power and publik plunder.

But no sooner than I had kompiled a kollection inkluding such Umno-appropriate k terms as korrupsi, kecuiran, khianat, karut, khilaf, kotor, kuman and kutu, I realized that I was out of my linguistik depth and should konfine myself to English.

But not so much to what is often known as the King’s English, as to a kind of Kinglish, in which the phonetic employment of the letter k would make this kolumn, as you have already observed that it so successfully does, as stupid-looking as its topik deserves.

Kommencing with the observation that Knajib’s typikally dumb and deceptive ‘6K’ formula was overshadowed by this kriminal konman’s dangerously idiotik kall for Umno to “emulate the bravery” of the Middle-Eastern, al-Qaeda-related terrorist group ISIL if the party is to survive.

Citing the ‘success’ so far of ISIL in destablising Iraq in the face of overwhelming odds, Knajib added that “when someone dares to fight to their death, they can even defeat a much bigger team.”

Admittedly Knajib’s own insanely-overstaffed prime minister’s department issued a statement the day after his ISIL remarks alleging that his words had “been taken out of kontext.”

“ISIL was mentioned briefly and in passing, but it is important to note that the prime minister in no way indicated any support for ISIL,” the statement klaimed, adding that “the Malaysian government classifies ISIL as a terrorist organization and are (sic, or rather sik) doing our part to combat them (sik again), for example by arresting suspected ISIL members in Malaysia.”

But the fakt remains that he made this incendiary statement, and thus the question remains what odds was this krooked kook thus trying to imply that Umno faces? These korrupt and kowardly krooks, in kahoots with their kraven koalition partners in Barisan Nasional, have kontrolled Malaysia for decades by employing their overwhelming numerikal domination of every aspect of Malaysian life.

They’ve skewed the nation’s konstitution in their favour, ko-opted the police, judiciary, elektion kommission, mainstream media, edukation system and other civil services so komprehensively in their support that they kan do whatever they like and get away with it.

So this “poor little embattled Umno” akt, along with the simultaneous “defender of the embattled Islamik religion and Malay race” skam by the nation’s overlords to try and portray themselves as underdogs, is just one more disgraceful element in their shameful misrule of Malaysia.

As is Knajib’s recent kosmetic addition of MCA and Gerakan kronies to what even he koncedes is an already hopelessly bloated cabinet.

A kabinet that is klearly as both unwilling and inkapable as Knajib himself of stopping the rot that is killing Malaysia.

Witness the nation’s steady and apparently inexorable descent on every known international index, from korruption, press freedom and university excellence rankings to klassification with the lowest of the low in the massive illicit capital outflow and people-trafficking departments.

Umno’s Malaysia is not performing too well on the domestik terrorism front, either, despite Knajib’s extremely unkonvincing disklaimer concerning ISIL, as the ruling regime not just kondones but actually supports (with public money, naturally) such organisations as Perkasa, whose information chief, Ruslan Kassim, recently threatened to chop off the heads of those “parasites” who ridikule Islam and the Sultan of Selangor.

Of kourse this kreep denied any such kriminal incitement, klaiming, Knajib style, that his kall for killing was “just a figure of speech.”

What he aktually intended, he now klaims, was to advokate the “killing” of the politikal kareers of four opposition parliamentarians who had kalled for Selangor to limit the powers of the Selangor Islamic Affairs Council, or rather Kouncil (Mais).

“I didn’t mean to say ‘pancung’ (chop) heads, but to ‘pancung’ them politically,” he was quoted as attempting to explain. “But the political part didn’t come out and I accidentally said ‘pancung leher’ (chop necks),” he went on, adding that “we are not sharpening our machetes. We love peace and harmony.”

Meanwhile, having delivered himself of his “6K formula” and “emulate ISIL” speech, Knajib was once again busy using the recently-arrived pair of pandas to pander to public opinion of himself as warm and kuddly rather than the kold-bloooded kriminal he actually is, claiming that the RM25 million cost of the so-called Panda Konservation Centre at Zoo Negara is a “very reasonable expenditure in view of the booming trade between Malaysia and China.”

But of course, as everyone knows or at least strongly suspekts, the pandas originally named Fu Wa and Feng Yi and now, following an expensive public kontest, re-named Xing Xing (prosperity) and Liang Liang (pretty) for the duration of their 10-year stay in Malaysia, are aktually part of some murky deal done with China relating to Malaysia’s ‘loss’ of MAS flight MH370 with over 100 Chinese citizens aboard.

A thought that brings me to the observation that there was little or no fuss when dozens of trafficked Indonesian “illegals” were drowned off Malaysian shores recently, and thus Jakarta seems unlikely to respond to this “loss” of its citizens by presenting Zoo Negara with a pair of komodo dragons.

Or, for that matter, by calling for Malaysia to prosekute the people-smuggler(s) involved, as the entire disaster was obviously enabled by corrupt immigration and other authorities on both sides.

But, thank goodness, that’s enough from me for now in this special k week, as my word kount is just about up, and in any kase Umno will have disgraced yet another letter of the alphabet, banned yet another word or committed some even krappier krime by this time next week, and so k can be let off for some well-deserved lepak.

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A state of total chaos.

This is terrific! In all my years of watching the BN regime strive to maintain a balance between its twin characteristics of criminality and incompetence, I’ve never before seen it or the nation it’s been running, or rather ruining, in such a shambles.

Some, I see, blame it on the current alleged Prime Minister, Najib Abdul Razak. Or perhaps I should make that absentee Prime Minister Najib Abdul Razak, considering he has deigned to turn up to about one parliamentary sitting in 10 during his tenure. Apparently preferring to jet around the world with his shopaholic spouse and an entourage of other assorted freeloaders, only returning from time to time to make stupid, deceitful speeches on fraudulent themes like “building the world’s best democracy”, “zero tolerance of corruption” and “national unity”, plus other vital topics like the price of kangkung, sales on RM1 chickens and 10-minute boiled eggs.

Though admittedly it looks as though he intends to be in town for a while now, as he’s selectively suing Malaysiakini and a few of its editors and subscribers for making the kind of critical remarks about him that millions of the rest of us have been doing ever since he was elevated to his current eminence.

But to my mind Najib’s not entirely to blame for the monstrous mess that Malaysia is in. In fact even more responsible than Najib himself, as far as I’m concerned, are the Umno so-called ‘warlords’, or more accurately whorelords, who participated in the ‘money politics’ process that elected him president of their party, and thus prime minister, in the first place.

Choosing a person with the kind of baggage Najib was carrying from his stint as defence minister – strong suspicion if not outright common knowledge of involvement in the RM500 million Scorpene submarines ‘commission’ scandal that culminated in the murder of the interpreter in that dirty deal, Altantuya Shaariibuu, not to mention any of his lesser misdeeds – was an outrage to propriety and an insult to every Malaysian.

And many of the same Umno big-noters that were guilty of installing Najib in his ill-deserved leadership of the country have since been every bit as instrumental as he has in making the monumental mess that Malaysia finds itself in today.

In the past in times of self-inflicted turmoil, or at least for the past 15 years, Umno/BN has routinely diverted public attention from its corruption and criminal incompetence by pinning a sodomy rap on its most prominent opponent, Anwar Ibrahim. But he’s about to be sent back to jail again, as far as I know, and in any case Umno/BN’s role in what “acting” Transport Minister and actual Defence Minister Hishammuddin Hussein himself tirelessly advertises as the “unprecedented” loss of MAS flight MH370 has sent the powers that be into such an unprecedented panic that even more spectacular feats of diversion are called for than usual.

Thus, in its desperation, and for want of any better idea, like coming clean for a change and even going straight at least until the uproar dies down, the regime has been rallying its pack of racist and religionist prostitutes to try and perpetuate its fraudulent pose as ‘defender’ of the Islamic faith and Malay race.

As part of this project, its inspector-general of police (IGP) has refused to obey a court order requiring a Muslim father to return his non-Muslim daughter to his former wife. The Selangor Islamic department (Jais) has similarly defied a court instruction to return hundreds of Christian bibles it long ago illegally ‘confiscated’. And of course various Umno operatives have again started denying that Malaysia is a secular state.

Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department Jamil Khir Baharom has declared that Malaysia is “not a secular state” on the grounds that there is “no provision for it in the federal constitution,” in the process citing a 2012 statement by former Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department, Nazri Abdul Aziz, that ‘based on the (Supreme Court) case of Che Omar bin Che Soh, it is clear that Malaysia never decided to be a secular state.” And Dewan Rakyat speaker Pandikar Amin Mulia has since ruled likewise, though only, he claims, for parliamentary purposes.

I’m no constitutional expert, but whether or not Malaysia is supposed to be a secular state, the ever-ruling regime has so comprehensively subverted and perverted it into some poisonous alternative entity that could aptly characterized as a sectular state. Sectarian divisionism is the order of the day, with Umno’s partisan dominance of Barisan Nasional reflected in its creation and sectarian bias in every facet of government, the civil services and Malaysian society at large.

In fact the Umno/BN regime’s running or rather ruining of the country is so far from honestly and straight-forwardly secular that it would be no exaggeration whatever to call it outright sickular. Replete as it is with stomach-churning levels of crime and injustice, ranging from such nauseating atrocities as the still ‘unsolved’ assassination of Altantuya Shaariibuu and the ‘neither murder nor suicide’ of Teoh Beng Hock at the hands of the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission (MACC) to hundreds of homicides in police ‘shoot-outs’ and custody.

And when it comes to how it handles the Malaysian people’s money, the BN regime is so ultra-secular it is nothing short of suckular, so greedily do its members and cronies slurp-up countless billions of ringgit in ‘commissions’ on purchases and projects, wholesale ‘leakages’ of public funds and sheer daylight robbery, as perennially revealed by not only Malaysia’s only free news media, online portals like Malaysiakini, but by the regime’s own auditor-general’s report.

In short, the Umno/BN regime may not be convinced that the Malaysian state is secular, but appears quite content, if not outright delighted and determined to keep it self-interestedly sectular, sexular, sickular and suckular.

All of which terms, as most readers will have noted for themselves by now, contain the word ‘ular’. And highly appropriately so, considering the venomous, forked-tongued fashion in which the vipers of Umno/BN routinely ‘explain’ their serpentine moves.

As exemplified by Home Minister Ahmad Zahid Hamidi during the recent Teluk Intan buy-election when he called the Chinese “ingrates” for voting for the DAP, by Shahrizat Abdul Jalil with her ridiculous claim that “BN doesn’t play racial politics,” and by Umno’s own ‘newspaper’, Utusan Malaysia, in its declaration that “insulting Umno is tantamount to insulting Malays and Islam.”

No wonder the country is in such an unholy mess, and that those responsible for its shocking state are so hellishly afraid of what would happen to them under a secular system complete with proper separation of powers, an honest-to-God independent judiciary, free and fair elections and genuine news media.

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