There’s sillier than sapiophilia.

A couple of articles in the online edition of The Guardian the other day really got me thinking about myself, sexwise. Not that they told me anything new about my tendency towards sapiophilia, or what they called sapiosexuality, the tendency to be sexually attracted to intelligent, witty or, literally, wise people.

And not that I’m in the least concerned about this, as I’m not so sappy a sapiophile as to be solely or exclusively so, irrespective of the genders, sexualities or other attributes of those women I’m most inclined to fall in lust and/or love with.

In fact I’m happy and even positively proud to be what I suppose you could most accurately term a heterosapiophile, or in other words a total pushover for both straight and bisexual women who are evidently as brainy as they’re beautiful.

As, for example, my current and (trust me) final wife of nearly 25 years most assuredly is.

Furthermore, I find that, though beauty is proverbially proclaimed to be in the eye of the beholder, I perceive it as being even more in the eye of the mind. And thus for me the smarter a woman is the more beautiful she looks in my mind’s eye, whereas the opposite is, at least in my personal experience, by no means the case.

It also happens that I’m a heterosapphophile, or fan of lesbian women, as our sexualities are so mutually exclusive that we can be truly ‘just good friends’ without the slightest risk of the otherwise virtually inevitable carnal complications.

But I’m not, thank goodness, afflicted with the other paraphilia, or unusual if not pathological atypical sexual interest in objects, situations or individuals, that one of the Guardian articles featured: autophilia/autosexuality.

An erotic condition that has nothing to do with automobiles, which are often suspected of being penis symbols or substitutes for many men, but everything to do with ‘auto’ as in self as a sexual substitute for all others.

Autophiles/autosexuals are apparently so single-mindedly and exclusively self-involved, both romantically and sexually, that the most extreme of them take themselves out on dates, buy themselves gifts, and even go so far as to marry themselves.

Or so says some self-described autophile writer named Ghia Vitale, who claimed to have become engaged to herself in 2017, and was quoted in the Guardian as declaring that she “will one day be [her] own wife” in an “automagous” marriage.

To anyone reading this and imagining it’s some journalistic fantasy or outright fake news, all I can suggest is that you take a look at some of the posts of and by an admittedly very small minority of blatantly self-absorbed and self-adoring female Facelookers.

And if you don’t find such autophilia a lot sillier than my mild case of sapiophilia, admittedly combined with a fancy for threesomes or what I guess you could call triophilia, plus of course a tendency towards the extremely common if not universal male propensity for scopophilia, more commonly known as voyeurism, there are lots and lots more kinds of paraphilia that will strike you as way chillier.

An incredible 547 of them, in fact, according to Anil Agrawal, an  author cited in Wikipedia, ranging from the slightly unconventional to the outright criminal, with the vast majority of them seen in males and comparatively few in females.

And thus even the statistics bear-out the the wisdom of my sapiophiliac belief that the most attractive and sexy aspect of virtually any woman is the beauty of her braininess.

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