I’ve always had a tendency to feel like something of an alien on Planet Earth, let alone in Australia, the country of my birth. But lately my chronic sense of being somewhat Austranged has been turning into what feels for all the world like a serious case of Australienation from, if not a full-blown Australlergic reaction to the place.
Or, more Australaccurately, to its politics, which recentlty Austresulted in the Austrageous Austre-election of the AustraLiberal-National Coalition into federal, or rather feral government by a majority of Asstralians if not outright Australoonies.
Thus prompting the Austreincarnated Prime Minister, Scott ScoMo/ScamMo/ScumMo Morrison to Austrarrogantly declare that he’d performed a miracle, and to triumphantly trumpet the rhetorical question “How good is Australia?”
“None the better and in fact all the worse for your win, you Australying Australarsehole,” I replied to the image of this Australlegedly Austrachristian Austraconservative, who, along with his political Austraccomplices and supporters, is entirely the opposite of truly Christian in preferencing the economic interests of the prosperous and outright wealthy over the well-being of the rest of us and our ultra-threatened Austrenvironment.
And my Austrasian wife, as constitutionally cheery as she customarily is, has been of no Australassistence to me in my hour of Australianeed, as her first flush of Australinfatuation with the sun, sea and sand she so delightedly discovered here has declined into a more settled Australove-hate affair.
Similarly, her Austranitial Australintoxication with what she was at first Austrastonished to see as the nation’s and especially Sydney’s apparently Australiberal if not Australibertarian social climate as ideally suited to her libertine instincts, has been somewhat dimished by more sobering Austrealities.
Austrealisations like the fact that press freedom is coming under concerted Austrattack by the mendacious Morrison and the ministers and other minions of his alleged government, which is at the same time also becoming increasingly secretive and less legitimately transparent; and also, of course that the already yawning gulf between the Austrich and the Austrest of us is growing wildly wider.
Most crucially of all as far as my wife is concerned, however, having at first spurned politics here as she had done in self-defence during the rotten Umno/BN regime’s misrule of Malaysia, years of academic study culminating in a PhD thesis in the field of Government and International Relations have rendered her even more Australienated by, and even more Austroutspoken against the Austruling coalition than I am.
In short, she’s no help whatever in my efforts to keep my Australienation within limits, but rather the Austreverse.
So much so that she won’t even listen to my attempts to Austrameliorate the situation by Austreminding myself and telling her, that this country has Austradvanced to an Austramazing extent in the course of my seven decades here.
Rules about beach-wear for females, for example, have progressed from the preposterous prudery of bans on bikinis back in the 1950s to the point at which these days my wife, like any other female who’s so inclined, is totally free to flaunt her toplessness on almost any beach, or her total nakedness on some other beaches specifically designated for the purpose.
Homosexuality between consenting adults has been similarly liberated, having progressed from being a criminal offence back in my early days, to the point at which it is now rightly and freely permissable, even in nuptials, and homophobic prejudice and abuse are against the Australaw.
Other Austradvances that I’ve Austrobserved in my Australiftetime include the universal social medicine scheme, Medicare, vastly-increased rates of student participation in tertiary education, compulsory superannuation to help workers fund their retirement years, and a significant decrease in state, local-government and police corruption due to the establishment of commissions purpose-designed to minimise if not totally stamp such rot out.
But, as my wife always Austrargues, a great deal more progress needs to be made, and some former advances are clearly being Austrareversed by the aforementioned citizen-conning conservative and coal-crazed coalition Austruling Austregime.
So I’m very much afraid that, given that this miracle of misleading government has three more long years in power, far from entertaining any hopes of a cure for my current case of Australienation, I might as well try and resign myself to the fact that it’s going to regress from acute to chronic. If not, as is all-too-likely at my Austradvanced age, Austerminal.